When they show what sound waves look like in the new cosmos…I definitely saw those on acid every time a boat revved its engine

Yeah, so i missed my court date and the fucking cops came to my house in a motherfucking MINIVAN so didn’t know it was them so my dad called me downstairs like la de da and yeah, i got arrested and spent the night in jail on a steel bench so i couldn’t even sleep. On top of that i started a new job that i actually really like that day so i was up from 530, I was supposed to go in today but obv i couldn’t so my dad called and told them i passed a kidney stone so now i have to explain THAT to them if they’ll even still take me. the cops arrested me at 5pm when i got home and i didn’t get to see the judge till 1130am the next day so yeah, no sleep. Heres some other fun facts: the toilets just flushed everyone elses shit to the next cell, and we are also all on the toilet on camera, it was purposely cold, the cops were smoking weed (unless a skunk got into the fourth precinct which is highly unlikely) and thus they opened the door, they wouldnt turn off the lights,they blasted the tv so we couldnt sleep or see, they refused to tell any of us the time and i got brusies from that fucking bench. While i was waiting in the court i carved ACAB into the bench and talked to ppl who were there for stupid reasons while the cops treated us like animals, we had to make a scene to get tp for christ sake, and like what would happen if I got my fucking period while i was there, would i go up to the judge all bloody?
Not only that but the cops were expecting me to be fucking high, which honestly i wish i was because at least then i could sleep…they kept saying things like “hows the using going” and “you know about any stealing?” Like dude, I’ve been going to out patient I’ve been out of the game pretty much for 60 days straight, “i could help you out if you give me info.” Yeah, thats a fucking lie. He’s like “so what would you recommend we do to stop the waves of heroin coming from the city ” honestly, theres nothing they can do, most people start because they got into a car accident or for surgery and couldn’t afford the pills anymore. but not only that its always been here, kids are just doing it younger and no matter how much you bust it will still fucking be here, so stop treating us like animals and start treating us like we’re sick cause thats the only thing thats going to help. Like seriously, im a bad person because i have an addiction? Give me a fucking break half the rehab was filled with alcoholic cops. How do they expect us to respect them when they wont even respect us? Theyre the freaking jocks of high school, i swear.
I did relapse thursday when my friend who was going away to a rehab upstate asked me to get it for her because she was buying it and how could i say no. I did half a bag and was higher than ive been for a while, and honestly, i didnt even like it too much. Like i guess it was all the guilt, because i went to outpatient the next day and immediately told my doctor. Now im going to have to go to drug court and op 4x a week so i cant if i wanted to and honestly, im fucking glad. Thank god they didnt test me man. Im so sick of this shit. Yeah.

I’m driving around with my shitty multicolored car that’s inspection is up and i probably have a warrant out for my arrest because I FUCKING MISREAD MY COURTDATE. I was supposed to go today to resolve it but I had my first day of work and couldn’t miss it and now its the fucking weekend. Idk why i have to be there before 1030 like UGH I had work 6-11 today. I’m so fucking nervous, if i get pulled over I’m fucking screwed.. lol my lifeeeeeeeeeeeee

Will someone please just call me and take me on a real date where I can play footsie and move up your legs under the table to make old people uncomfortable. We can hold hands and kiss against public places. When we walk put your hand around my waist, I’ll grab your arm and bring you back to my place where ill push you to the bed, blush and giggle. Afterward we can lie around naked and smoke cigarettes until its time to leave. Just keep me company, make me happy… We don’t have to be serious I just need some love tonight.

Wow fml . fuck this. I’m done, people can come to me instead

My most recent ex used to call me a tumblr feminist as an insult and it still confuses the hell out of me because a) I pretty much never say anything on here at all; b) because as a feminist i don’t have enough shit to worry about, and enough people make fun of me for being one, how is that any different? And C) is it because feminism is gaining popularity? So fucking what, good. Since when is using social media to spread a cause and turning 16 year olds into feminists and eventually, in turn revolutionaries, a bad thing? No wonder he defended reddit. Yeah theres a lot of stupid people and hipsters on this site too, but people are people and as a self proclaimed “feminist” ally and humanitarian you really don’t see how that insult is confusing and just wrong? Gtfo of anarchism if you cant stand a girl whose vocal about beliefs and who just happens to have goddamn blog. Don’t pretend to be all high and mighty cause I have a tumblr, and dont get offended when i tell you you dont understand feminism after you use it as an insult. boo fucking hoo.

Kinda proud of this.

Ugh today was my first day at a waitressing job. They just opened and it was all confusing. It was So triggering towards the end i was like shitt i want dopppeeeee. I used to work 12 hour days, no break when i was high and loved it, now its like ugh, and they close at 12 and shittt.

Wow I miss smoking weed. I wish I could get stuff for anxiety all the shit around here gives me panic attacks

The xfiles has one of the most honest yet brutal portrayals of american human nature. Like, I really believe if the american government was to find alien life we would treat them like this, it would become a genocide that would probably lead to our death bc we’re fucking dumb.

I’m so fucking boredddddd I just want outpatient to start so I can get out of the freaking house. I’ve been smoking so many cigs my god

Yo get outta my head. You’re too freaking cute *_*

  • Dad: "are you smoking cigarettes?"
  • Me: "no"
  • Dad: "well, it reeks of cigarettes in here"
  • Me: "weird"
  • *closes door*
  • Wtf am I doing with my life? Lol he obviously knows. why lie....
  • Quick crappy sketch about summer. Trying to get back in to creativity again. I’m pretty bad at drawing but I got a kick out of it.

    r-a-i--n: How do you get a dealer, help please

    What the fuck do you mean how to get a dealer? im assuming youre talking about heroin? In case you havent noticed ive been clean for over a month now whythe hell would i want to remind myself of when i first started? Ill quote someone from rehab “heroin is life rape” it literally destroys everything. i was terrified to leave my fucking house, i didnt even notice i was addicted until i got arrested and my court dates in a week and im fucking terrified.if you must know,  someone gave me heroin for the first time after i babysat, i walked multiple times twenty plus miles in the rain to get dope, i picked up in the hospital once, i did dope in the nursing home bathroom the day my mother died. so many people hate me simply for doing heroin, so much time has been wasted, so much money, so many opportunities. Ive said no twenty times today,i had a dream last night my dealer gave my dad a package filled with heroin to give me and woke up cold sweating.  I once threw up all over my bathroom, like literally the hallway, the door, floor,bathtub… everything. Its been a month and im still withdrawing from suboxone from time to time. I have to figure out a way to tell my boss i have outpaitent three times a week. I have to figure out a way to get my life and self worth back. And you have the nerve to ask me how to get addicted? 

    Life is worth living, hun.