Everythings going really great. The last month definitely put a perspective on the important people in my life and the rest of em can fuck themselves. I know who i am again and nothing they say is ever gonna change that. Im not going back, not with the way things look now. Staying posi, looking at cuties and reconnecting with elementary friends as well as keeping in touch with the new ones.
Out of rehab. Drove myself home passed a deal on the street passed three dealers houses, didn’t stop once. Got home stopped off at work and apologized to my boss had a nice convo. Weird to think that the nicest people I’ve ever met are drug addicts in a rehab. Weird to think that we all have the same insecurities and self hatred. I love them all. Never thought I’d be 23 and looking for an aa meeting on a Saturday night. Fuck
Wordof advice: if you’re trying to pick up a girl, refrain from touching her like this isn’t the first time youve met, by consistently pulling her closer the more she backs away. And don’t offer to”play a game” that involves you buying her an out of sight drink … Really guy? I’m not stupid; cautious maybe…but when you v angrily stare at her across the room when she says no… that’s just as bad sign
Dancing the most ridiculous dance you can think of in a bar full of serious club folk is the best therapy… We Seriously did the chicken dance with mean\threatening faces on until the security guard couldn’t help but smile.
Im trying. But im also too sad to get out of bed, its a recipe for disaster…thats gotta change. I quit my job, im getting help and im going to do whats right for me for once even if i have to leave a job i love. Long islands literally just junk and shit these days and i have to leave it behind. This has been the worst week: i got arrested for something stupid, dumped, my grandpa died, and I had to quit my job. This year my mom died, my dog died and i got worse and worse; its time to stop. Im 23, and i never seem to admit that to myself; depression or not. so yeah…fuck this.
People are gonna think what they want regardless of what I do. I’m sick of being scared. And I’m sick of being penalized for the truth. I’m sick of all this shit.
Determined to have a good day
Finally going back to work. They really screwed me this week. I’ve been so sad and miserable. And I have no Christmas gifts or money to buy them cause of this suspension :( just happy to be back and out of the house. Here’s hoping I don’t get fired
Nothing bad can ever happen one thing at a time, its all gotta happen at once during a major shitstorm that leaves you screaming FUCK the entire way home.
Hey i forgot to clock out yesterday and i might get suspended from work today! Merry fucking christmas, no christmas tips for you.
Some asshole girl from london posted on my bfs facebook tons of “I love you”s and called him hot and sexy and said she needs him, that hes the only one she wants to talk to. She also posted some graphic poem about sex. Then, to top it all off i find out that he hid his relationship status (to which he has “no idea” how it happened). He doesn’t think its such a big deal cause they never met and were just pen pals… but come on that’s taking it too far. i know this is petty fb shit but I’m still fucking furious. I feel like such a fucking fool. who knows how many of our friends saw that shit or How many girls saw and now think he’s single? There’s nothing he can say to make it better. I think he doesn’t know how to say nice things, which makes me think its because he doesn’t think them about me. i just keep yelling and lecturing him and making it worse. Am I crazy for getting this mad? What am i supposed to do
So tired of being tired. Wish I could get inspired
So i went to this hippie party in a glass blowing studio today. My whole fam was here, and when we were leaving we missed the exit and a cop pulls in and tells asks us what were doing. This place is highly illegal, no liquor license, underground venue… So of course I’m like “oh we were just turning around” cause we were and its none of his fucking business why. He just was trying go bust the place and we happened to be the last people in the line of traffic leaving. He asks us if were drinking, i say no, he comes out, sees a can from fucking weeks ago when we went to the beach and makes my bf get out of the car… at the same time my aunt and uncle just happen to be leaving. my uncle gets out and talks to the clearly, young, 21 year old-ish cop and waits for the bullshit tests to be done. My boyfriend gets 2/3 passed, the third one being (of course) the heel to toes which he messes up the last FIVE steps. He failed mostly because, according to he cop, “your girlfriend seemed eager to lie” no shit, fascist… i wanted to go home and that place was awesome, im not fucking ratting and he cant legally go in without a warrant so he was just pissed i ruined his plan. Meanwhile in my aunts car,my clearly underage cousin vomits all over himself and I start hysterically laughing. My aunts trying to tell me to shh and my uncle gets in and yells at me before realising the overwhelming stench. All in all ill say this was a good night., and my aunt and uncle were also drunk and won’t tell my dad. I’ll end this story with a quote from my usually serious uncle “it’s a weird feeling being older than cops that pull you over, everything changes” and ” you haven’t lived unless you’ve been so drunk that you fall out of the car onto a busy road”